Somebody I love very much is dying and he will probably pass away quite soon. I haven’t had a shower in about a week because the baby has been sick and Jamie and I have been run-off-our-feet busy. We’ve been eating frozen lasagna and pasta because it’s fast and easy and I would like nothing more than to just eat a salad. With fresh vegetables. Ones that didn’t come out of a bag.
There is a time, in the midst of all of this insanity, that you have to put your foot down and say, “Enough”. There is a point when you realize that if you don’t start taking care of yourself, both physically and psychologically, you will burn out. Hopefully my post today will help at least one person realize that time before it happens.
Think about the term “burnout” for a second. We throw it around so much, not even taking the time to think about what it means. Imagine a candle when you first light it. The flame is bright and solid and strong. It gives off so much light. It keeps you warm, it lights your room, it sets a mood.
Later on, when it has given us its best, it starts to drown in its own wax. It struggles and fights to keep going, to keep itself alive, but it can’t. It gives off a paltry light, doesn’t heat worth a damn, and sometimes you can only see the little blue bit at the top of the wick. This is what happens when you try to keep yourself going for too long.
What was effortless becomes a struggle. What was helpful becomes wasted.
The physics of candles indicates that when they have been burning for too long, they can’t burn any more. If you can’t burn anymore, stop. Just stop. Regroup. Do whatever it is that you need to do to get yourself to a place where you’re at your best again.
In The Four Agreements, Miguel Ruiz says that we should always do our best, but know that our best will change from day to day, from hour to hour. If you’re pulling an all nighter, your best at 4 pm will be very different from your best at 4 am. Sometimes there’s nothing wrong with that. But each of us has a point when we know our best really isn’t good enough.
At that point, we just have to quit for a while.
During your regrouping process, pay attention to the things you need to do in order to feel better. For me, trashy magazines and sleep tend to do the trick. As for Jamie, he likes video games. For Jack, he gets his downtime by smashing plastic blocks on his parent’s faces. Extended bathing rituals, whether you go in for showers or baths, are always a good idea in that you get to relax and you stop offending everyone in a fifteen foot radius with your stench. Eat some good food. Have a glass or six of wine. Whatever works.
Do your thing. Take a break. Come back refreshed.
I very fervently hope that none of you are experiencing burnout right now. If you’re not, count your blessings, and here are some ways to make sure it doesn’t happen.
Schedule time, every single day, to relax somehow.
Like in the list above, what works for my loopy neighbor isn’t what’s going to work for you, so put some time in and think about it.
Keep your reserves up.
I’m not talking about esoteric reserves, I’m talking about real, physical ones. Keep toilet paper in your cupboard, snacks in your fridge and casseroles in your freezer. Whatever you need frequently, keep a lot of it around.
Work towards a greater purpose.
Time that is spent working towards something bigger than just paying your mortgage is inherently less draining. We’ll talk more about that tomorrow, too.
Remember the point.
Why are you working from home, anyway? To die from the stress of it? Or because it gives you more freedom? A person working themselves into the ground at the expense of all else is not free. Take the necessary steps to experience that freedom you’ve been working so hard for.
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